I can remember years ago when someone compassionately said to me, “I’m happy to hold space for you.” I loved the sound of it. “Holding space” is a concept that is hard to define without using the same words. But over time, I’ve realized I’ve been lucky to have many experiences of people holding space for me – and I for them. Now, I can articulate and offer it more accurately.
Holding space is more than just being present; it’s about being there for whatever is said, done, or felt. It’s about creating a space of unconditional acceptance, even when we don’t fully understand someone else’s experience. It’s choosing to listen without judgment, to support without trying to fix, and to simply allow someone to exist as they are in that moment.
Last year, I asked people I love to be okay with me not attending a gathering that was important to them. (Blogged about it here) The weight of the world was heavy on my heart. I needed to honor that.
What I needed from them wasn’t persuasion or questions. I needed compassion. I realize now that I was genuinely asking for them to hold space for me.
Brené Brown says, “When we are looking for compassion, we need someone who is deeply rooted, is able to bend, and most of all, embraces us for our strengths and struggles.” I love that quote because it beautifully captures the essence of what it means to hold space.
And while I aspire always to hold space for others, I am also learning that I need to do it for myself. Practicing self-compassion, honoring my needs, and allowing myself to feel without judgment is just as important.
Holding space is a gift we can give to others and ourselves. It doesn’t require fixing, advising, or even fully understanding—it just requires being there.
I encourage you to take a moment and reflect. Ask yourself: How do I hold space for myself? Who has held space for me lately? And how can I hold space for others?
